My name is Kayla, I am 30 years old and usually a very outgoing, fun girl with a lot of zest for life. I currently reside in CO. I cannot tell you how vulnerable I am feeling about letting my mess get this far. Asking for help is my last resort.
I moved here from Utah with the hopes of settling down and starting a family with my boyfriend who I’ve been with for almost 2 years. He has a 5 year old and I don’t have any children, so we had hopes of changing that this year. We moved to Colorado to be closer to his daughter, who lives about 2 hours away.
When we lived in Utah, things were different. I had a great job, a great life with family and friends in abundance. I took care of the bills so he could “get on his feet”. I didn’t mind because I thought we had a great working relationship and were able to communicate very well. But since moving to Colorado, everything has changed.
He has all the power, and I do believe that this is exactly what he wanted. He has a job, and a vehicle; he uses the truck against me and takes it away from me if I piss him off. He has been violent and I have called the cops on him many times. He always talks his way out of things or blames me and I don’t want to go to jail so I drop the charges. He has kicked me out of our place for not being able to find a job, due to not having a ride, twice since The beginning of January. My car broke down around Christmas and he promised he would help me get it paid for and out so I can get a job. My car still sits in the shop, with storage fees piling up and a bill of nearly 5,000.00 to fix the engine. I would get a new one, but I can’t without a job to verify income. These are just a few instances of abuse that I am mentioning; there are MANY more.
He is a controlling narcissist and consistently beating my character into the ground. I am trying to get any money saved up to move to Las Vegas where I have a job and a room waiting for me with a dear friend.
I know my choices got me here. I know I had a lot to do with my circumstances. I take full accountability for my responsibility in getting myself into this mess, and I do intend to get myself out with a little help. I want a fresh start, and to either fix my car before I go, or rent a Uhaul and tow it to Las Vegas and try to fix it when I get there.
At this moment anything helps, while I am at the mercy of this asshole. I lost my job because he wouldn’t take me to work. I am loosing my identity and I am becoming more and more sucidial and depressed. I am just trying to get through one day with out making him mad. I need help. Please.
I cannot survive in this hell much longer, I just need the chance.
Thank you so very much.
Update: my car was impounded, so now I am trying to purchase a cheap car off of Craiglist.